my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
