Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
