Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
