So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Mom said you looked used
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
