so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
