New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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