we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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