Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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