I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
