she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
