Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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