You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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