I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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