i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
