I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
