fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
