My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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