I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize