So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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