You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
