What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
