turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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