i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
