I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
