no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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