So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
