I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
