The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
