We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
