I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
