I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
