ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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