I'm really into asian looking animals
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
