I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
