I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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