i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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