I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
