he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
