What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
