I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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