it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
