i can't believe i had my finger in that
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
