I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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