a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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