He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How does one acquire holy water?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize