I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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