I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
