well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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