some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
