I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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