actually, I'm a sock model
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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