Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
