dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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