im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
