She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
