How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
pop tarts are not kleenex
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
