I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize