Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize