i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
