Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
