He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
