I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
honey bunches of taint.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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