My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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