apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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