i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
