8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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