Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
